Figuring out where someone lies culturally is a tricky thing. Take me for example. I’m a stereotypical Asian- short, dark haired, fond of spectacles and I tote the stereotypical monolids. But if you ask me, I’m probably the worst Asian ever- I don’t speak my ‘native’ language (Cantonese)- English is my mother tongue, despite it being heavily tinged with a Hong Konger accent. Yet you wouldn’t know that unless I told you.
I’m a banana- someone who’s yellow on the outside, but white inside. I’m Westernized in upbringing, and yet I hail from an extremely traditional extended family; kowtowing three times before the family god, should you point at his shrine is commonplace at my grandmother’s tiny flat, where incense can often be found wafting its way though the air.
It’s further complicated by the fact that in my head I’m not Asian, but I am, in some strange cultural ways, like my habit of inclining my head in thanks, my view that the number 4 is unlucky, filial piety and so on. So when someone asks me “Are you Chinese/Korean/Japanese/…?” I don’t know how to respond. Partly because I don’t see myself as a complete Asian- (weird, I know!) and partly because I’m a little confused by the assumption that was made.
I’ve heard it all before- yes, I know you’re just trying to be friendly; yes, I know you’re probably really good at guessing what type of Asian I am. It still doesn’t negate the fact by specifying something in your question to me about me you’ve made an assumption about me, and subsequently assumed something about who I am.
Maybe I’m too sensitive- but perhaps you would be too, if you had been asked if your parents spoke English or not. Or perhaps you were told that the place you hailed from was in a different country (the classic Hong Kong is in Japan statement). Or maybe someone shouted “Ni hao!” at you. It’s just a constant, unsubtle reminder that I don’t belong here.
If I were to walk past you and shout “Guten Tag” simply because you were blond and tall (and it’s not hard to be taller than me!), that would probably leave you strangely confused, wondering why that was shouted at you. Or maybe because you wore a stripy shirt today, you must of course, be French.
Of course, I’m guilty of assuming things. I’ve gone up to people and asked them if they were from the UK, to find out that they’re not. It’s a two way street. Making an assumption about a person before you talk to them isn’t probably the best way to start any form of rapport- after all, the tinge of inadvertent racism is quite hard to shake off.
So please, next time you see an Asian, or even anyone- don’t assume that they’re from somewhere just because they look the part! Their story could be quite different from what you think it is. Remember: people love telling you things about themselves, so just keep your starter question simple, and you’ll well be on your way to meeting wonderful, quirky people!
